I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
