pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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