my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
