Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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