Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize