she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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