He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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