Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
