I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
