Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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