my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
