guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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