We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
