shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize