haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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