I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize