I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
