i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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