It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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