she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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