it's too hot outside to masturbate.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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