Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
