if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
