are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Randomize
