You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
