we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
