So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
