Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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