is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
