I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
