I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
