The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
