So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I need a burrito and a hug.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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