Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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