So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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