yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
