If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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