in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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