I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
