I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
