put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
false alarm. still invincible.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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