just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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