My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
