I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
