I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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