Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
