I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
