apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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