I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
