was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
