Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
