The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
