Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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