This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
