He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
