Im at strip club and am horny
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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