I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
