It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
