Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
