the condom got lost in my hair
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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