wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
