Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
