I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
