I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
