I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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