Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
