does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize