Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
